I Need Some Comebacks, That's Eggsactly What I Need

I need your help, ya'll.
I need some good comeback lines.
Typically I am pretty good with comebacks in a social environment or in my own home but.... when I've been home for several hours by myself without speaking a word to anyone, not even the cat.... and I run an errand to the store and I am in some funky no-talk zone, I can be thrown off.
One not as uncommon as I would hope situation is when a mom with young children, that is struggling with their child..... they look at me and say (something like) "Ya want him? He's driving me crazy!"
I want a comeback!
I've wanted to say, "I would love to have him, me and my husband has been trying to have babies for years!"
Which isn't exactly a lie, except the leaving out the part that we tried and we did have babies for years is a little deceptive.
But don't you think that whole situation needs a comeback?
On a lighter note, at the store when the cashier is trying to figure out where one's groceries end and another begins, and they ask the other person and the other person says, "Sure, ring it up and let her pay for it, but I get to take it home."
Followed by laughter.
Followed by, I should have something clever to say back, especially after all these years of having this happen, but nothing.
I just smile and say nothing.
And now let's change course for a moment.
Remember how Zoe had placed hearts about the house, for Valentine'a, anywhere that would willingly host a magnet and a heart?
Well as of yesterday, it's now Easter eggs.


Shauna said...

I am new here! What a great blog :)

elesa said...

Ok, lets see. In response to "You want my baby" you could say:

"Gross!" and storm off, or
"No thanks. I really hate kids."
or, if you really want to freak someone out you could say,
"Really?? Thanks! He's adorable!!" and then walk over and try to pick him up. That would teach her a lesson!!

And in response to "Let her pay for my groceries and I'll take them home", I recommend throwing a loaf of bread at them. That works every time.

I am LoW said...

Shauna- Hi!! And thanks so much!

Elesa- coming back with a load of bread, I am liking that. :-)

aniC said...

ok, i've got lots of come backs for the first one. i guess it would depend on your mood, but here goes.

"no, he's ugly."

"maybe you should have thought about it more before you started procreating."

"sure, i'll take your one if you take my 5."

"i'm only 17! you thought i was old enough to be a parent?!"

"i'll ask my parole officer if i'm allowed to adpot."

"no habla englis."

"is he driving you crazy, or are you driving him crazy?"

"sure, i'll WHIP him into shape for ya."

ok, i should stop. i could go one for days.

mom said...

i like anitra's answers...especially the parole one. that's what i'd go with.
"when pigs fly" works for me for about anything.

Anjeny said...

If I really want to be a meanie, I would go with something like these:

"Sure, I know a couple who are willing buy a kid for a few bucks and I could use some money right now."

or this one, I can say it in the sweetest voice I can muster up, "I wouldn't dream of taking something so precious from you. Just think how meaningless your life would be if I take him?"

On the grocery joke:
"Wow, that is sooo hilarious I actually forgot to laugh," with a sarcastic tone.

Or something like this...."Hmmmm, I seriously hope that is not what you do for a living and if it isn't, DON'T QUIT YOUR DAY JOB."

Piko and Kanoe sitting in a tree. . . said...

Ok so I have one that goes with the groceries... response... "I'll pay for your's if you pay for mine"... my groceries are usually more than the norm considering I have 4 kiddos.

I have a challenge for ya on my personal blog... noeluvspiko.blogspot.com


dar said...

I'd say you got some really good ideas there for ya.

really, you've had people say that in the grocery line more then once? i've never heard that before

dar said...

oh and btw, I know what zoe's house will be like when she's all growed up

I am LoW said...

Love love love love all your ideas!!!

You guys are SO smart!!!

And yes Darla, I hear it often. Except today a toddler was in her cart being all cute but kept pointing at me and telling her mom that "that woman is trying to get me". The mom seemed embarassed and kept saying, "No she's not, you are being silly" and I kept trying to avoid the aisle they were on.