10.17.2008

Strengthening My Weaknesses

I have plenty of weaknesses and fears and for some reason, I get a real kick out of facing them and trying to prove to someone (me?) that I am not fearful or I am not weak in a particular area.
Case and point, I STINK at directions and maps and finding places. I was good in Salt Lake City because they have a grid system, but without it, I am lost. Literally. So a couple of years ago my husband tells me about a need for volunteers for Meals on Wheels. Well, I love meals and I have a special place in my heart for the elderly (and it turned out I worked along side prisoners and for some reason I thought that was way cool) but I STINK with finding places. But that's okay, I tell myself. I'll conquer this! I'll do this! I'll prove to myself that I can and I will force myself to not be a bad place finder.
It wasn't easy, I would figure out my route (and I loved the people) and then the route would change. Then I'd figure it out and it would change again. Meals that were hot were cooling as I got lost. Eventually I had to come to terms with it just not working. As if my stress wasn't enough, the one in charge of Meals on Wheels was really stressed, so I decided to move on and let someone who was good with directions get the blessings of knowing the lovely elderly.
Sometimes facing fears and attempting to conquer a weakness doesn't work. Sometimes, I think, we have to accept things as they are. I stink with directions and if you need to get someone or something somewhere, I am not your gal.
Need a dessert? I am there.
So yesterday Gary decides to pay a visit to his mother and says he'll take any or all children. They all decide to go so it's just me and my oldest who won't be home until around midnight.
Staying home by myself is a definite weakness. It took over a year to get used to all my kids being in school. And even still- I get very sad for a week or two when school starts. But nights???
That's something to conquer.
It started as I expected, while the sun was up, things were fine, I do love peace and quiet and painting uninterrupted. But the darker it got the more I became nervous. Shadows were popping up everywhere. By the time Survivor came on I thought I'd be cool. A nice distraction. But occasionally I would think, 'I am here all by myself' and my heart would skip a beat.
More shadows and more heart beats skipped.
And then at around 9 my oldest son came home early.
Awww man. Conquering the night ruined!!!
I did conquer a book last night, finished Nights at Rodanthe. I am not exactly into romance novels but I was in the need of something light and easy. It was a first the first time I read Nicholas Sparks and I was not digging it the first half. His writing.... how to explain? I felt like he was talking down to me? But halfway through, the story picked up and I decided he's a good story teller but not so much a good writer.

2 comments:

Piko and Kanoe sitting in a tree. . . said...

I'm totally the same way. . .when my hubby takes the kids I'm so lonely and lost. I do enjoy the rest I get tho'.

mom said...

there is a plus to being alone at night though...YOU HAVE CONTROL OF THE REMOTE!