Losing my Dad part 3

 

A year before my dad's passing, we kids came and did yard work in his and moms backyard. Here he is, directing my Zoe as she trims his tree. They both loved their particular role on this day. Zoe remembers saying, "Grampa, I love doing this chore with you" just to have him reply, "trim this one right here" haha. He clearly didn't hear her.

My dad died on a Monday, but me and my sisters Elayna and Tamara and Tamara's son Bennett came to their house Saturday to take down the Christmas tree. It was April and mom hadn't gotten to it yet. My dad got RSV at the beginning of the year and just couldn't shake it. He had some good days with the thought that he was on the mend but would get knocked down again. He had quite a few medical episodes with emergency calls and plenty of doctors appointments. He was told it was long-haul RSV.

But also I must note, my parents were quite independent and really didn't like our help. Us coming to help in the yard was like, they first time such a thing happened. They just weren't like that. Either they took care of things or they paid someone to. And they were extremely serious about that and we got it. It was amazing my dad let us come work on the yard but it was also fun.

However I do believe my moms toes were stepped on when we came to take down their Christmas tree.

Now let me be clear, I don't think her tree being up matters. And if she doesn't care, why would we? I am SO not the pushing type on such things and don't understand why a child would be. I am against it actually. And I think we all are, my sisters wanted to help but were worried about overstepping bounds as well. But this I felt prompted to do and I made big promises to my mom that we wouldn't do a thing she didn't want us to. She could sit and guide us. She would tell us every step of taking the tree down and we would do as she said. 

But I felt we had to. And now I think I know why. It was to be there with my dad. Granted he was in and out of napping and he ran to the dry cleaners and he went upstairs to rest. But before he left we gathered around him and Bennett said a prayer. (not a Priesthood blessing, a prayer)

I think that time was necessary because it was when we all realized how unwell dad was. 

Plus also my mom went upstairs to shower and we told him of a surprise birthday party we were planning for her at the venue the anniversary party was going to be held. He loved it. I think he needed to see this. He needed to see we were going to take care of mom, with the Christmas tree and with the surprise birthday party. 

I told him it was going to be fancy pants with finger sandwiches, and he said he and Bennett needed man food, they needed STEAK.

And it was good. Difficult and heart breaking and good.

It prepared us for Monday. But it didn't.

Losing my Dad part 2

 My parents were married 57 years and we children had been trying to do an anniversary party for them since their 50th. One thing or another kept getting in the way. When my dad asked me specifically to please make it happen (I suspect he wanted it for my mom), covid got in the way. We rented a place and had the plan and kept having to postpone. It looked like it would finally happen. My sister flew in from CA, I booked a surprise Elvis Presley impersonator (a woman in her 70's, PERFECT) and 2 days before the party, the morning of Saint Patrick's Day, I awoke to a text from my brother that our brother James- pictured in the middle, took his life.

What a shock and tragedy. His life was so difficult. I don't think I feel comfortable sharing his story, it isn't mine to tell. but I can say he had a small window of goodness, and many years of extremely hard times. 

My dad was one of the only family members James would stay in touch with in his adult life. 

The family was divided in planning burial versus cremation. It was hard times. Nothing that ruined relationships, but different and strong thoughts and feelings and so many emotions. Of course.

My dad unenthusiastically said we could carry on with the anniversary party as he knew a lot of time and money had been put into it, but he didn't want us to behave as though we hadn't suffered such a loss. Maybe we should have, I don't know. But we didn't. It was postponed again, but to never happen.

It was a week before Jame's funeral was held. It was unreal. Funerals usually are but this was like no other. There were some real characters in his life, and characters that played a part in his death. I felt like I walked onto a movie being filmed. These are surely just actors, it felt. The people and the feeling didn't seem real.

During the viewing, my parents were sitting up front and I remember leaning my head on my dad's shoulder and fighting tears and asking him if he was okay. He said of course he was, why wouldn't he be?

He definitely viewed death as very temporary and very okay. 

A few of the siblings spoke at James funeral. I gave the eulogy. I remember my dad speaking and his face was so pale. He had no color and looked weak. The next day Jame's was buried. Not many attended the burial, family included. My dad and my Uncle Frankie made joke at the cemetery as they both already had their plots (my dad having just picked his when getting Jame's) and they discussed how they could visit each other because they would be buried so close to each other.

My dad had to take off suddenly to find a bathroom. Stomach issues and heart issues go together. But none of us fully saw the connection yet.

Then my dad asked if I wanted to join them for lunch at The Piggly Wiggly. I thought he was joking but it turns out he wasn't. Sure enough there was a restaurant in The Piggly Wiggly, and the servers all knew my Uncle Frankie by name. The food was nastier than you are imagining. 

As we were all headed out and going our separate ways, my dad pulled up in the car by Frankie who was about to get in his car. (I rode with my parents. Gary and Wes were in a different car bc they had a small cough and I was worried about my dad. of course my dad thought it was stupid and we should all be riding together) They joked, "Burley, it pains me to say, oh it PAINS ME, but I love you" and my dad came back with "I wish you didn't tell me that. But I love you too."

But then...

My Uncle Frankie said, "I am telling you something that is very serious right now. You are not okay. You need to get to the doctor right away. I am serious. You are not okay." It was the most stern and serious I ever saw my uncle.

As we went down the road I asked dad if he was going to listen to his older brother. He said no. Of course not.

Losing My Dad

 

My dad left this earth April 11, 2022

There is no preparing for such a loss. 

I would like the record this loss here.

My dad's birthday is the day after Christmas. You can imagine how ones birthday would get missed or skipped over with such a birthday. 2021 I wanted to throw him a birthday party and boy am I glad I did. Who knew it would be his last? 

Many of my siblings came with their children, and my sister's 2 children came with their spouses. It was a house full. One of my sisters almost didn't come because she had to be to work early the next morning but my brother quilted her into coming and I am sure she is glad she did.

The house was already festive with Christmas, my Naomi and Zoe worked on his huge birthday banners.

I made meatloaf, red potatoes, and green beans. His birthday cake was a Strawberry Covered Chocolate Cake. I remember focusing on the yummy flavors but while frosting it it his me- I made my dad a pink cake!!!! So a put the heaviest chocolate drip on it to cover most pink. 

My dad told the story that day to us all that when he was a small boy he was having a joint birthday gathering with a female cousin of his. They were opening gifts and he opened one and it was pink panties. Turned out the giver mixed up which gift was for him and which was for his cousin but at a boy, it was humiliating.

Made me so glad I fixed the cake. 

I set up seating in the dining room and kitchen so everyone could sit at a table. My house is small, so we were packed in tight, but we fit. I had these gold crowns from Christmas that my kids and Gary and I got in some Christmas Poppers, and I put a crown at my dad's seat to wear and the birthday boy did, which I was surprised but I love it!

After we all ate, we went around the room telling my dad a favorite memory and/or what we love about him. There were funny things said, there were emotional things said. I cried saying what I wanted to say. I adore my dad.

Then we all went into the family room and did Christmas stuff. So many people, so much going on, but in the hub-bub I look over and see my dad alone in the living room, standing with his feet apart and his hands in this pockets as he does, and he motioned for me to come over. He thanked me most sincerely, although he was always sincere, for giving him the best birthday ever. He told me how special it was and how much he loved hearing from every one. He was full of gratitude, also nothing new. He was always full of gratitude. 

That night after everyone left he sent me the sweetest text, thanking me again for such a good birthday celebration. He told me if he knew it would be that good, he would have come sooner. I love his sense of humor. I love my dad. The.very.best!!! No other way to put it.

That was December 26th. Just a week or so later he got RSV and just couldn't shake it.

to be continued

God's Creatures

 

I got the mail from the mail box and was slowly walking back to the house because I wasn't watching where I was going, I was going through my mail. I heard a very low, strange murmuring behind me and was quite startled to learn I was being followed by chickens.

That was two days ago.

Last night, I was home all by myself and would be for 8 more hours, when I went to use my bathroom and discovered a baby toad. 

whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

howwwwwwwwwww

I was sure wishing my frog picking-up daughter was home. Anyone I could boss around would do, actually.

I put my big pants on. (no, really. because I had to take this thing outside and I was dressed for bed) I, with advice from my husband who was at work, got a hand towel and doubled it over and scooped it up and walked quickly as possible to the front door. As I was opening the door the toad tried to jump.

I screamed. Like from the gut screamed. 

And dropped it. 

But I was able to get it outside, hand towel and all.

For real though, chickens and toads?

She's Got It

 Bummer.

I have this video that won't upload for some reason.

While Naomi was here for just a couple of weeks (but was suppose to be here a couple of months) she asked me to help her learn to cook. The first child to ask. And I was honored. And I was proud. And I was so excited.

She even collected recipes, new and old. She made it into the cutest recipe book. I loved it so much I recorded myself flipping through it. 

But again, it won't upload. 

Bring Back the Paint By Numbers

I lie.

Leave them in the past. I forgot how much of a pain in the butt they are. 

Naomi came home for a wee bit and then Gary and I fell ill, so I had to think of fun activities since axe throwing was now out.

 So got these frustrating activities.

Lesson learned. They are still flawed. haha! I thought they would have improved by now.

But those tiny numbered paint containers....

Going Short

 

I can't believe my girl went short but I also can't deny that she is rocking it.